


Self Medicating

by dersecest



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dersecest - Freeform, F/M, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-07
Updated: 2013-03-07
Packaged: 2017-12-04 13:16:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/711167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dersecest/pseuds/dersecest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four weeks.</p><p>You had tried to end it all, you really did. You planned for months after the game ended; pills, buildings, knives, ropes, trains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self Medicating

_Four weeks._

You had tried to end it all, you really did. You planned for months after the game ended; pills, buildings, knives, ropes, trains. You had considered every option carefully and then reexamined them. You decided on a combination of sleeping pills and an antiemetic. You had a strong prescription from your doctor when you started complaining of insomnia a few months ago. You had a whole bottle of pills waiting for you. You went to the doctor a month before the date, claiming your prescription got lost at your current pharmacy and you were moving to another.

The doctor grudgingly signed another prescription in your name, oblivious to the fact that you had a full bottle at home. You were terrorized by nightmares without them but it was only temporary. This was a permanent solution to your problems.

As soon as the paper was in your hand, you were at another pharmacy, filling the prescription. You had to wait an hour but it was worth it when they handed you the bag. You got a certain rush knowing it would be over soon.

_Three weeks._

You didn’t sleep soundly like you did when you took the medicine. You stayed up late and got up too early, writing and rewriting your will and a long drawn out suicide note. You explained in the note that it was no one’s fault, no one pushed you to this point. It was your head and the voices screaming, “Why were you so special? Why did you live while the rest of us died?”

It was the other Dave’s from doomed timelines. You retained their memories even after the game ended. Their screams of anger were embedded into your brain and no cocktail of drugs could make them stop.

_Two weeks._

Rose started to call you when you didn’t answer your texts. When you didn’t answer her calls, she came over.

You were sitting in front of the TV; it was on but only for the purpose of background noise. It helped block out the voices. You didn’t hear the door open over the mind numbing babble of the actors.

She was at your side in an instant, shaking your arm, “Dave? Dave!”

You looked over lazily. It was shocking to say the least to see Rose here. Normally she was appalled but your apartment and the constant state of mess it was in. Too much so to visit. She gently slapped your cheek when you didn’t respond, a worried look etched into her normally calm face. “Dave, can you hear me? Have you taken any illicit drugs? Dave?”

“No drugs,” you mumble, placing a hand over hers that gripped your arm. You were drained from staying awake for three days straight. “‘member? You made me flush ‘em.”

Rose frowned, “What did you do then?”

You closed your eyes, letting your head loll back on the couch. You smiled, “No sleep. Scaring shit going on behind closed eyes.” You could hear her sigh heavily. She sat beside you on the couch, guiding your head into her lap. You let her do as she wished as she started to stroke your hair. “Whatcha doing Lalonde? Trying to get me to eat you out?” You couldn’t help but chuckle to yourself

Rose lightly slapping your temple, clearly not amused. “No. I’m trying to get you to go to sleep. Now shut up and close your eyes.”

You absently laid a hand on her knee. She started humming, dainty fingers combing through your unkempt hair. “Sing,” you commanded.

“Excuse me?”

“If you sing whatever you’re humming, I’ll sleep.”

She huffed before clearing her throat.

_“Pick it up, pick it all up._  
 _And start again._  
 _You've got a second chance,_  
 _you could go home._  
 _Escape it all._  
 _It's just irrelevant._

_It's just medicine._  
 _It's just medicine._

_You could still be,_  
 _what you want to,_  
 _What you said you were,_  
 _when I met you.”_

You started to drift into unconsciousness.

_One week._

Rose stayed with you for five days, watching over you and making sure you ate and got at least a bit of sleep. Eventually she had to go back and take care of her own apartment but she clarified she was going to check up on you.

_Six days._

Your will and suicide note was complete and printed. They sat right by your sleep pills, neatly folded.

_Five days._

You counted out all of your pills on the bathroom floor. Eighty-two.

_Four days._

You watched the wall move.

_Three days._

Rose called and you talked for an hour before she sung you to sleep.

_Two days._

You listened to the voice’s final request. You found the sharpest knife in your kitchen and carved into the flesh of your thighs, letting the blood drip all over the tiles.

_One day._

You sat in the bathtub, listening to your unsteady breathing until you passed out.

_Zero._

You turned off your phone, laptop, TV, and all the lights in the apartment excluding the bathroom lights. You took a glass of water with you and your pills, including the antiemetic. You started off by taking three or four at a time, counting how many were inside you. Wrecking havoc on your internal organs. By the fifty first pill, you started to feel a mix between sleepy and sick. You took the antiemetic and continued.

You finished off both bottles and sat against the wall. You felt numb but heavy. Like death himself was dragging you down. Well, he could fucking have you. The voices were quiet and you were ready to go.

_Zero?_

You were still in pain and in a white room. You thought the afterlife was supposed to be painless. You had done your suffering. A cold hand smoothed over your forehead. You hoped it was your bro but you were disappointed when a feminine voice spoke.

“Dave, you fucking idiot.”

Rose had been crying, her voice trembled and she sounded distraught. You turned to look at her. She tried to smile through her tears. You were too angry about your failure to smile back. The smile slowly turned into a somber expression. You opened your mouth to speak but she quickly hushed you, tears beading up at the corners of her eyes again.

She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around your shoulders. “Idiot. I love you. Please don’t try that again.”

You wanted to scream and shout and rip the IV’s out from underneath your skin. But Rose’s presence held you back. You didn’t want to scare her anymore because she was the only person you cared about on this earth. You timidly hugged her back, making a reassuring noise in the back of your throat.

At least the voices were gone.


End file.
